Bike Racing Season Over

Dating Season Begins! Yes ladies that's right, this man is on the market if you are looking. I like long bike rides on the beach, hanging out with friends on bikes, and living life to the fullest (while on a bike). I'm looking to date a bike (or two or more!). Nah, in all seriousness I am looking. I even made an online dating profile here.

So yeah, bike racing season is over. Yeah, I don't really count cyclocross or races in California. Eugene Celebration Stage Race is really the last big race of the year it seems. Last year I did quite well getting 2nd in the prologue hillclimb and eventually 4th overall in the 4/5s. This year I was expecting a bigger challenge.

I scored a rideshare down with the Cat 3 OBRA Hillclimbing champ and was stoked that he ended up being my 30 second guy in the prologue. I was keeping up until the hill started and then didn't see him until the finish. It also didn't help that my real derailleur was skipping between 4th and 6th cogs. However, I still finished with a decent time of about 12 minutes and good enough for 6th place. The road race I attacked way too much, didn't realize that 2nd and 3rd in GC broke away and then didn't have the magical intuition to know who's wheel to suck in the field sprint. Oh well.

I also like Eugene because it is a really hippie kinda town. Although it's smaller than Portland I'd argue that per capita it is more hippie. It's really easy to find vegan food and lots of people bike! Case in picture:

At the time trial I was a bit worried about losing a lot of time. However, I pulled out a surprising 6th place finish getting a time two minutes and eight seconds faster than last year. This year I had carbon wheels, aero bars, a TT helmet and a skinsuit. But what matterred by far the most was that I went in with a plan to average a specific speed in mph. I didn't even look at my heart rate, I just looked at speed. I found it way easier to force myself to suffer to reach a certain speed than heart rate. It also helped that I was warring with the guy behind me. He had a full TT setup, disc wheel and all and passed me shortly after the final turn. However, I kept passing back this guy probably 3 or 4 times. At the final 500k I pushed it into 29mph and passed him for the WIN, no enjoyment of being an ass, NO - the avoidance of being humiliated by being passed in a TT.

The crit was like the PIR (Portland PIR) of Eugene. So dang flat and straight and no crappy pavement. Yet there still managed to be a crash which kinda got onto my nerves and took away my aggression to find a good wheel for the final sprint. Gotta work on these kinda sprints for next year. After this I had some lunch with the Brownies and then headed back home.

Well, that's about it for this post. I might get around to doing a racing season reflection post or something, but I'm too busy trying to meet a hot babe and planning a vacation to Portlandia at the moment.

Am I done yet?

Ugh, racing. Not again. Do I really have to subject myself to yet another grueling series of efforts just to watch the asses of all the other racers actually compete for first place in the end? I didn't think I wanted to at all the weekend before the last so I didn't race at all. However, I did ride a considerable amount.

On Saturday I rode out to somewhere I've always wanted to ride: Vista House:

And then Sunday I rode with the Klipper family along Skyline. The photo below is from later that evening.

But I still felt exhausted after this "rest" weekend. I chose to not do PIR and only did Gig Harbor because my coach thought I should. Oh, did I just miss out on the Portland Twilight Crit? Yep. Who cares. Out at Gig Harbor nothing mattered until the final 200m where I got popped off the back. But I finally scored a victory or three of them in a row while playing beer pong at my sister's party.

I'm ready for the season to be over with.

Alternate Realities

The only world that exists and matters is mine. And more to the point my world that I live in involves me exercising my incredible talent at bicycle racing such that my glory is overbearing on my fellow inferior bicycle racing competitors.

In fact, this season was going to be the one in which I truly became a formidable racer upgrading to Cat 1 in a matter of 4 races and subsequently starting to be noticed by pro teams scouting for good riders for next year. My sprinting would make people wonder why they even race and my climbing would be such a spectacle to watch that people from the countryside would come out to watch my seemingly supernatural ability as pictured below:

The ladies would hardly be able to contain themselves due to my irresistible physique and bicycle race winning ability. They would come out in droves and go to lengths once thought only the realm of obsessive stalkers just to catch a glimpse of my race number or even the scent of my fragrant pheromone. Shown below is an example of what would happen at a typical race happening at a velodrome I was racing in:

The world as it were would be completely serving of my bicycle racing lifestyle and would not cease to do my will at a whim. However, this season so far has taken an incredible nose dive into a displeasing reality that has me questioning if I may actually be wrong in my judgement about future and current events.

Portland Plaza Bicycle Policy - The Final Word

One of the most absurd questioning I have had to do is whether I am being reasonable with the Portland Plaza Homeowners Association in asking them to allow bicycle owners and thus me to be able to bring my bicycle up to my unit. Could it be that I am unreasonable in the amount of bicycles that I own and am opening a pandora's box to hordes of second-class-residents (aka renters and bike owners) to completely scratch up the elevators worse than the likes of a men's bathroom wall in a dive bar? Apparently yes, I am an unreasonable activist - the HOA did not change the rules that prohibiting residents from bringing a bicycle up to their unit.

The Portland Plaza is like a hot chic at first impression. Looks great, is from a desirable part of town and is rich. However, once you get to know her and her family a little bit more, things start going south. First you find out that parents are obsessed with rules and etiquette, grilling you for every minute detail you have done wrong. Her brother says he thinks it is reasonable for her sister to date, but thinks you have no business with the family's way of doing things since you aren't part of the country club (since you're a renter). The worst of all things is that you ultimately find out that this hot chic won't let you put your bicycle in her elevator. And with that you know that the relationship just won't work out for the long-term.

Back to my Dominant Racing Season

Every once in a while I do take a little time off crushing and ripping other bicycle racer's legs off and beating them with them to hang out. And to ensure that my hanging out is equal opportunity, I chose to attend ethnic fest with Karly's friend. And then we chatted a little bit about how Jordan had unknowingly solved the world's traffic problems.

You see it is a really simple equation. Time = Distance/Speed. In Jordan's equation he drastically reduced the distance factor of his commute by moving to within 2 miles of work instead of 25. Although I am working on the world's most intuitive traffic information model I know right from the start that reducing the distance one has to drive (aka moving somewhere close to your daily activities) they will save much more time than what a traffic app will save them.

wait a second, racing!!!!

Tonight was the Tacoma Twilight Criterium, the race that I would conclusively win to the delight and admiration of all of my Tacoma friends. They would all be awestruck at how effortlessly I would lap the field that they would begin to dig into the prize money of the Cat 1/2 field and even consider giving me the pacecar as well (of course I would turn around and sell it, cars suck).

And I was ready. This photo below perfectly encapsulates my sheer focus even before the race started on how steadfast I would be in winning the race for Tacoma Bike. Nevermind Tony who is doing his own thing with his aviators. Little does he know the amount of ass-whooping I am about to unleash on the streets. You see I was on a mission for a position at the top of the podium.

As the race began I immediately felt challenged to battle through the harsh wind on the backside. Nonetheless I got myself into a break which had trouble organizing itself. And then it got too big - 12 riders or so. I tried attacking to actually get a small one going again, but ultimately it all got swallowed and Sofa King won it again after I barely had enough to stay with the pack in the sprint. What an utter disappointment for me. I drowned my sorrows with a my prime winnings of a plate of pasta and a beer which then kept me awake after trying to get to bed early. At the restaurant some friendly locals impressed with racing in general asked me if I'd rather win a race or win a girl and I said win a race. Nothing matters more to me as I have lost sight of the rest of what normal people seek for fulfillment in life.

Vancouver

And on again to another race. I peacefully rode over to the other state thinking about race strategy and was relaxed when I got there. However, as the race went along I got a slow leak and bailed instead of going too fast through the 7-corner course on 40psi in the rear. As a result, Culpepper now has 3 wins in a row in Cat 3 men OBRA land.

And it continues at PIR

I was super focused on my strategy of winning a hot spot and then the final sprint and thus the race. However, I heard an imaginary bell and crushed the field from 300 meters for no reason at all. After that the winning break got away and I was off the back in the field sprint and super hungry.

Wednesday I ate a cucumber that was actually a zucchini.

And now Thursday I'm going to do hill sprints up Tabor, but Tabor racing is already over and it's Thursday. Whatever, I live in my own world anyways!

screw this

Why haven't I made a blog post lately? Because racing sucks.

And the recap:

Portland Plaza Rules Committee: Voted in favor of keeping the rules the same and not allowing bicycles in the elevator and thus residents' units. And I didn't raise a big enough stink about it.

Ironclad Crit: Won two primes, but then the final lap someone else pulled my same move for the win and then I got lectured for being dangerous (which was deserved).

Brad Lewis Crit: Won two primes again, but then "Sofa King" won the race and a pair of ZIPPs.

Tabor: Psyche! Tabor is all done for the season. Hustled over there and then it wasn't happening. Then I went to pump my tire and the valve came off.

New Carbon Wheels: Stayed past my bedtime numerous nights to see my new carbon wheels come to being.

Cascade Lakes: Attacked got swallowed, attacked got swallowed. Putzed around with the filed until the final climb and then didn't hang on. Not a bad finish, but probably coulda done better.

TT: A minute 15 late for my start. And then got passed by 2 more people. Didn't realize tubulars lose air like crazy so was probably riding at 40psi.

Crit: Nipped for a prime, stuck behind a clusterfrack on the final lap.

Awbrey Butte: Had a great technique of hillclimbing against a pathetic field where a break never materialized. Final lap we alleycatted our way past stopped cars on the course while going downhill, then raced thru a final roundabout that had kids on cruiser bikes going thru it and then I was smack dab on the front with 400 to go and knew I was screwed. I completely gave up and floated back so hard that some guy rammed into me, snapped my deraileur hanger in half, gashed my rear tire and gashed up my new carbon wheel that had been ridden for the third time ever. I drug his bike for about 50 meters while staying upright.

And then Randy won the Tacoma fantasy Tour de France mini-league. Someone kill me and put me out of my misery now. Thanks.

Being Average Sucks

So it was another Tuesday, another PIR. Feeling all right I did the usual: go with a bunch of attacks and attack a bunch myself. And again as usual, I always seemed to attack at the wrong time and got zero points and an average field finish.

Another Wednesday another Mt. Tabor. At this race my secret weapon of swapping out my compact chainring for a normal chainring coupled with my 11/21 cassette sucked the climb out of me. I was barely hanging on in the climbs and got dropped so so hard in the final sprint. Ugh.

Another weekend another set of races. This time in Bend. This time an omnium. Saturday was the crit and I was feeling meh at best. My strategy was to make sure that DeMoe wouldn't win for the third time in a row. I set myself up for a prime with 2 to go and nearly got it with 2 to go. Then DeMoe launched, but then pulled an Evan and pedal-striked and crashed out himself and 5 other chasers. But after the prime sprint I had nothing for the final sprint.

Then there was the time trial where I whipped out another secret weapon, a skinsuit. I ended up getting 11th and midpack which is decent, but again nipped by 7 seconds out of omnium points. At the time I was happy that nobody passed me, but damn I need a full TT setup.

And for the final mundane race of the week, the road race. It's been a while since I've done 60 miles. And again, attack, get caught follow attack, get swallowed, are we at the sprint yet? Get myself to the front of the train for the sprint and get passed to get 12th. 0 omnium points for the weekend. Then, chose between either a frustrated Mindy for not having won in a while either or a pissed off "did-I-seriously-just-crash-because-of-someone-doing-a-power-bike-throw-stretch-in-front-of-me?" Brian to ride with back to Portland. Mindy assigned me to Brian's van.

Tactical Battles

For a while now, I have felt like my fitness is something of a question mark in terms of whether I have enough of it to win. However, after this week I'm thinking that I do have the fitness but am lacking in the tactical game of mine and perhaps haven't just lucked out really well in a while.

PIR

On Monday I was doing an easy ride and broke a spoke on a wheel that Cliff loaned to me. This is just crazy how frequently I break stuff. I really need to do something about it. I was able to get another loaner wheel (this time a team wheel and not Cliff's) from Cliff again. We headed down to PIR. I was kind of taking my time to get ready and ended up missing the start of the 123 field. I was chasing in TT mode for a full two laps but eventually made it which impressed myself. As has happened before at recent PIRs, a break started forming which I happened to be in again. However this time I just got so bored of being in breaks and really wanted to focus on my group sprinting skills so I soft pedaled my way back to the field and even considered chasing back the break, but the field was able to. However, I still wasn't able to get the sweet spot for the group sprint so it was a bit frustrating.

Portland Plaza bicycle policy update

On Wednesday the Portland Plaza HOA met for their monthly meeting. A lot was on the agenda and the items were pretty cool - the paneling on the outside of the building was being replaced for the first time since it was built I believe and with the new material it was going to make the building 98,000 pounds lighter! However, the reason I was there was to protest the bicycle policy of course. I brought up the issue and it was bantered about for a bit. The main resistance against the building changing the rules was simply that they didn't want to change the rules. This made me feel a lot of empathy for a rather extreme bit similar comparison to people who opposed things like civil rights and in modern times gay marriage. While being a bicyclist isn't as life-defining as those issues I'm sure that those other parties really had to go through (and still do) the same kind of bullshit of people in power (or not) who resist changing human-made rules that severely impede on the pursuit of happiness of those that it affects while in the end imposing the rule has very little benefit and/or avoids small or mitigable negative consequences to those who try to keep the rules rules. I'm sure I have some items that I'm to blame for being that bad person I'm describing, but I am hopeful that the world and myself will change for the better.

Anyways, the issue of the bike policy did make it to the rules committee without riots, protests or Malcom X style advocacy.

Swan Island

And now back to racing at Swan Island (or not really Swam Island, but close enough!) which is the crit that Guinness Cycling Team puts on each year. I had practice-rode the course before, but the finish line turned out to be in a different place than I had expected. For I believe the first time this year on a weekend race, I was racing with 3 other teammates in the field. Two of them were from OSU I believe and another I've seen at PIR. It's kind of strange seeing racers showing up at these racers wearing your kit and yet you've never met them. All I knew is that at least one of the OSU guys was strong.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to edit this post and take out a big gripe and ensuing gossip-magazine material that I wrote about a move a teammate made that I was not happy with. However, I'm happy to say that our team is working it out and will have better communication next time.

What I do when there aren't races on a 3-day weekend

Two part answer:

1. Ride my bicycle
2. Slack off

So on Sunday I spent a decent part of the day hanging out with my team leader Dave Klipper and friends. I love people who are characters and Dave is one for sure in a way that brings joy to my heart. He helps me out a lot discussing tactical things, scores deals for our team, helps me work on my bike and will say some very absurdly inappropriate yet hillarious remarks at least once a day. And with the help of Dave and his crew, I've found a secret weapon (or two) that I'm about to unleash on everyone this coming week. Stay posted.

A race I want to forget

This post is going to be super short because it was such a painful race on Saturday. I could let the negativity drag on and on and name some people some dirty names, but in the end it was entirely my doing and simply bike racing.

Yadda Yadda Mount Tabor, won a massage prime didn't have the brains for the final sprint.

Franz Bakery Crit - Broke Away about 5 laps in and rode with my last year's Franz Bakery arch nemesis from Bikesale. Crashed on the final corner after a pedalstrike. Field passed me as I ran my bike across the finish line. Bike is ok, got some wounds, still won $45, but it hurts mentally more than anything.

Pringle Creek - almost crashed after a pedalstrike on the other side and had very poor sprint tactics.

Bought the following book (if you have an ad-blocker you may not see the following):